


Be my beloved despite the hardships

by harryisqueen



Series: be my beloved despite the hardships [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Angst, Bisexual Cheryl Blossom, Cheryl Blossom & Betty Cooper Friendship, Cheryl Blossom & Jughead Jones Friendship, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Established Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, F/F, Gun Violence, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Nick St. Clair is an ass, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape/Non-con in chapter 4, Survivor Guilt, choni, jason is alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2019-10-19 15:18:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17603795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryisqueen/pseuds/harryisqueen
Summary: 4 years of being with Nick really wore Cheryl Blossom down.She was ready to escape.A weekend in Riverdale & a gorgeous brunette might help her.(Previously Round & round we go in this game of love who will win no one knows)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Emotionally abusive relationships are mentioned and referenced strongly if you are someone you know is stuck in the cycle of an abusive relationship please reach out
> 
> 1-800-799-SAFE  
> https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/category/identifying-abuse?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_OT0ms-W4AIVSeDICh3iug9MEAAYBCAAEgL0iPD_BwE

Cheryl had been with Nick on and off for 4 years. It had felt like the same exhausting process over and over again. Nick would do something more terrible than the last thing time & they’d break up then get back together. Then restart the process.

It was all so exhausting. 

But for some reason she still stayed with him. Even through the cheating, the isolation, the occasional hitting when he got really mad & him withholding her money from her. She still stayed. Every time they broke up a voice in the back of her head begged her to leave him for real this time. But she knew in her heart she didn’t have anywhere to go and had no money to find somewhere to go. So she always went back to him. Because in reality she knew it wasn’t safe to leave.

Cheryl’s yearly visit to her friends and family was quickly approaching. Her flight was tomorrow actually. 

Once a year Nick would allow Cheryl to return to Riverdale to see her brother and her friends for one weekend. It was a weekend Cheryl looked forward to. She never really looked forward to seeing her parents however seeing her brother was the highlight of her year. No one had really picked up on Nick’s isolation. And when they questioned it she just old them it was because of the distance. They always bought this excuse seeing as she did live nearly 3,000 miles away.

Cheryl was in the middle of packing when she heard Nick come home. She paused packing so she could go greet him. Around this time right before her visit home she always made sure to butter him up as much as possible.

Terrified he wouldn’t let her go.

She walked out into the living room to see him sitting on the couch removing his shoes.

“Hey, baby. You need anything?” Cheryl asked walking into the living room to sit next to him.

“You need to be thinking about what we’re having for dinner because I’m starving,” Nick said.

He stood up walking straight past Cheryl as if she wasn’t even there. Cheryl sighed then pushed herself up off the couch. She went into the kitchen to try and find their takeout menus.

Nick had yelled at Cheryl on multiple occasions for not being able to cook. She had tried to learn to cook but she just couldn’t get the hang of it. It made Nick even angrier when she was unable to learn.

She finally settled on the restaurant Nature works for dinner. Nick never complained when she ordered from there so she knew it was the safe option. Cheryl went to their bedroom to ask for her credit card so she could order their food. She found Nick in their closet getting changed.

“Nick, could I please have my credit card so I can order our dinner?”

“It’s on the bedside table in my wallet.” He murmured eyes glued to his phone.

Cheryl muttered a quick thanks then went to grab her card. She moved out into the living room to order their food & ordered Nick’s favorite for him and the lowest caloric option for herself. Nick had once again put her on a diet claiming she was beginning to gain too much “pudge”. 

Fighting about it wasn’t even worth it.

“We’ll have your order over in just 15 minutes’ ma’am.” The clerk on the other end said.

“Alright thank you,” Cheryl said.

“What the hell is this bullshit?” She heard Nick yell from their bedroom.

Cheryl quickly hung up the phone then made her way to the bedroom to see what Nick was talking about. She walked into the bedroom to see him looking at her open suitcase on the bed half packed.

“My trip to Riverdale is tomorrow. Remember?

Cheryl began picking at her nails. A nervous habit she’s had since she was a little girl. A habit she had when she felt as if she was going to get in trouble.

“That’s tomorrow?” Nick questioned.

“Yes, my plane ticket is in the bedside drawer if you want to look to see what time my flight is,” Cheryl said.

Cheryl could feel herself becoming more and more nervous. The memories of last year when Nick didn’t even let her go when he claimed she didn’t give him enough of a heads up. 

He had ripped up her plane ticket right in front of her. Since then Cheryl had made sure to subtly remind him nearly every day.

Cheryl watched nervously as Nick reached into the drawer and studied her plane ticket. How could he have forgotten her trip to Riverdale? He was the one who purchased the ticket.

“You have to leave at 6:00 am?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, I’ll drive you. Finish packing your shit I’ll answer the door when the food comes.”

Cheryl felt herself sigh quietly to herself in relief. She reached up before Nick left and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. He turned around and kissed her on the mouth then walked out.

The food came just as Cheryl was done packing. She heard Nick call to her from the living room that the food was here.

“I’ll be out in a minute I just need to take my makeup off.”

“Well hurry your ass up the foods going to get cold.”

Cheryl quickly removed her makeup then slid into her pajamas and made her way into the kitchen to eat with Nick. Before Nick Cheryl would sleep in sweatpants and even go to the grocery store in said sweatpants. Once she got with Nick she wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. He told her it made her look like a fat slob and he promptly threw all her sweatpants away.

She slid into the seat on the island next to Nick. He had already scraped half of her portion onto a plate for her to eat. 

Cheryl grabbed her fork and began slowly eating. The two of them ate in silence most of the time. Nick usually on his phone Cheryl eating as slowly as possible to ensure she finished at the same time as Nick.

Once the two of them had finished eating it was nearly 11. Cheryl was just ready for bed. Nick however was ready for something else. After complaining about his stressful day Cheryl finally caved. 

In the beginning sex with Nick had been enjoyable. Something Cheryl looked forward to. Now it was just a chore for her to do when he wanted it done.

Once he had finished Cheryl rolled over to go to sleep. Tomorrow was the day she’d finally be able to see her family. To escape the exhausting routine here in Los Angeles. Even if only for one weekend.

Cheryl woke up at 3 that morning. Before Nick she would have woken up 10 minutes before she had to leave thrown something on and rushed to the airport. Since she had been with Nick her morning routine had become significantly longer. A full face of makeup every single day and only top of the line jumpsuits. Cheryl was always too done up no matter where she went but it made Nick happy.

Cheryl and Nick were on the road to LAX by 5:15. They arrived at LAX at 6. Nick helped Cheryl unload her bags from the back of the car then walked her inside. Right before Cheryl would go through security Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out her cellphone & credit card.

“Text me when you’re taking off and land. If you want to go anywhere with friends let me know. You can spend no more than $100 on your card.” Nick said handing her, her card & phone.

He kissed her quickly on the mouth then took off towards his car. 

Cheryl felt like she could truly breathe once he had left. Cheryl made her way through security then was finally able to sit down. She powered on her phone wanting to check through her texts. She hadn’t been able to check her phone since last week.

She had a few missed texts from her friends letting her know they were excited to see her. Mostly Veronica. There were a few from Betty telling her that some of Jughead and hers friends from the Southside would be at their mini gathering and she thought Cheryl might like to meet them. Cheryl & Betty didn’t get along much when they were high school but once they were out of their petty years they realized they actually liked each other.

Cheryl sent a message to the group chat with Veronica, Betty & Jughead letting them know she’d be landing around 4:30 and she should be able to be at Veronica’s house by 6. 

Cheryl finally boarded her 6-hour flight to Riverdale at 10. She pulled out her headphones and prepared to watch a movie. She shut her eyes as the movie started and managed to drift off.

Cheryl woke up just as she was landing. As soon as the plane had landed and she was able to retrieve her luggage she pulled out her phone and quickly sent Nick a text letting him know she had safely landed. 

Cheryl began making her way through the airport searching for her brother. She finally saw him waiting for her looking around trying to spot her in the crowd.

Cheryl made her way over to Jason a wide grin spreading across her face. Cheryl finally reached him throwing her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. 

She had missed him like crazy.

“I’ve missed you so much, Jay Jay.” Cheryl breathed out.

She pulled him in for another hug. Squeezing him to herself.

“I missed you too Cher. You really should start visiting more.” Jason said picking up her bags in order to carry them to the car.

“If it wasn’t so far I would visit more,” Cheryl said sadly.

In her heart, she knew the real reason she couldn’t visit. It sucked having to lie to her family. But somehow lying to them was easier than having to deal with Nicks temper.

“So how have mom & dad been?” Cheryl asked.

“Good. They miss you, Cher.”

“I know and I wish I could visit more but it’s just so far which makes it difficult for me to visit. And all of Nick’s family is in LA so it’s not really worth it if both of us don’t have a reason to come down.”

Jason visibly rolled his eyes.

“Cheryl that dude is loaded it’s not like letting you fly down at least a few times a year would break the bank for him.”

Cheryl did not want to get into this argument with Jason.

It felt like they had the same repeating argument every year. Jason always made sure Cheryl knew of his distaste for Nick. Jason hadn’t liked Nick since the two of them first got together and his disliking just grew when Cheryl announced they were moving to California.

“Are you coming with me tonight to Veronica’s?” Cheryl asked changing the subject.

“Probably not,” Jason said pulling into their parent’s driveway.

“Could I borrow your car tonight then?”

“Yeah of course Cher,” Jason said giving his twin a small smile.

Cheryl climbed out of the car walking to the backseat to retrieve her bags. She walked up to the door to let herself into her parents’ house. As shitty as they could be at moments she still missed them dearly.

After she had seen her parents and settled into the bedroom she’d be staying in she began to get ready to go. Seeing her friends was always the highlight of her weekend home. She was nervous to meet Jugheads friends from the Southside but some fresh faces would be nice.

Lord knows she never got to see any in California.

Cheryl was ready to leave by 6:30. Later then she had wanted to leave but oh well fashionably late and all that. 

She climbed into her brother’s car and sped off towards Veronica’s house. Cheryl arrived after a short 15-minute drive. She climbed out of the car her tall stilettos clicking the pavement as she made her way up to Veronicas’ front door.

After knocking Veronica answered nearly immediately.

Veronica squealed then launched herself at Cheryl in a tight hug.

“Oh my god, I’ve missed you so much,” Veronica said.

“I’ve missed you too!”

Cheryl made her way into Veronica’s house. She looked around at the gorgeous interior.

“Cheryl! You’re here.” Betty said.

Betty pulled Cheryl into a hug nearly as tight as Veronica’s.

“Here come meet Jugs friends!”

Betty dragged Cheryl into the sitting area where 3 unfamiliar faces sat on Veronica’s sofa.

“Pea, Fangs, Toni this is Cheryl the girl I told you about! She used to live here in Riverdale but she moved a few years back!”

“Nice to meet you, Cheryl.” The one called Toni said biting her lip.

Cheryl felt that feeling in her stomach she hadn’t felt in years. Since Heather. She knew it was wrong to feel that. She was with Nick. But there was something about this girl. Ugh she needed a drink.

“So what type of alcohol you got up in this bitch?” Cheryl asked Veronica.

“You guys wanna do shots?”

“Is that even a question,” Toni said with a laugh.

After a few shots, Cheryl found herself chatting with the gorgeous girl. 

Toni let out a loud laugh at something Cheryl had said. Cheryl could feel herself grinning to herself.

God this chick was amazing. 

Her laugh was just the definition of actual perfection. 

These thoughts were awful.

They were devious.

 Cheryl could feel the guilt in her gut. She could hear Nick’s voice yelling at her. She shook her head. 

He wasn’t here. 

Maybe it was the alcohol speaking but all she was reminding herself of was how often he treated her like shit.

“You want to take this conversation somewhere else? Say back to my house?” Toni asked biting her lip.

Cheryl was shocked at how bold Toni was. 

Her gut told her not to. 

No matter how terrible Nick might be it was still cheating. But when Cheryl was under the influence she wasn’t the best logical thinker.

“Of course,” Cheryl said.

“Awesome I’ll call an uber.”

“You do that,” Cheryl shouted after her with a giggle.

“You seem to like Toni quite a bit.” Jughead said.

Cheryl turned to see Jughead was now standing beside her his drink in hand.

“She’s nice,” Cheryl said shrugging.

“Mhm, & did you finally decide to dump Nicks abusive ass?” Jughead boldly asked.

Cheryl’s eyebrows shot into her forehead.

Although Jug was always the person to voice is hatred towards Nick he had never gone as far as to refer to him as abusive.

“No and he isn’t abusive.” Cheryl snapped.

“Yeah, and the sky isn’t blue.” 

Jughead rolled his eyes

“Cher you’ve been with that asshole for 4 fucking years. I get to hear every drawn-out detail whenever you guys break up again. Betty has told me all the shit he’s done to you.”

Cheryl’s mouth fell open slightly. What the hell? She’d have to talk to Betty later about why she felt the need to tell Jughead the details of her and Nicks relationship.

“I just don’t know how to leave him. It’s impossible.” Cheryl whispered mostly to herself.

Jughead looked over at her with sad eyes.

“He has control of all my bank accounts, he keeps my cellphone, he’s the reason I can only come to visit once a year.”

“Cheryl.” Jughead tried to talk but Cheryl interrupted him.

“All my clothes are there. Everything I own is there hell my job is in California. I can’t afford to leave him.”

Cheryl felt the tears building in her eyes. She could feel the panic beginning to build in her gut. 

The panic she always felt whenever she tried to convince herself to leave Nick. She felt Jughead pull her into a tight side hug.

“Before you leave Cheryl we’re going to figure out a way for you to end it with that asshole. Text me the info for your bank accounts. I can try and make it so he’s unable to control those anymore.”

“But what about my job.”

“Don’t worry about that Cheryl you can stay with Betty and I till you can get your feet on the ground.”

The thought of leaving Nick terrified Cheryl but Jughead was part of a gang for God’s sake. Maybe Jughead helping her could be what really helped Cheryl finally leave him. Finally get him to no longer have his painful grip on her.

“Thank you Jughead,” Cheryl said.

“No problem. You may not be my favourite person but no one should have to go through this.”

Cheryl shoved Jughead at the remark.

“Well, you’re not my favourite either you hobo.” She said with a laugh.

Cheryl looked up and Toni was walking back over towards the two of them. 

Cheryl quickly wiped the unspilled tears from the corner of her eyes. She gave Jughead a small side hug and made her way over to the girl to meet her halfway.

“You ready to go babes,” Toni asked with a wink.

“Yep,” Cheryl said.

Toni led Cheryl out to wait on their Uber. Cheryl pulled out her phone and quickly sent Jughead the information he may need to get her bank account back into her control. As soon as she had sent the text she looked up and their Uber had pulled up.

The two of them climbed into the car and Toni gave the driver her address. Cheryl glanced over at Toni sitting next to her and decided to make the first move and shyly leaned in for a kiss. Toni gently grabbed the back of Cheryl’s head and kissed back taking control of the kiss.

The two separated upon reaching the Sunnyside trailer park. 

Cheryl looked out the window biting her lip as Toni paid their driver. The two of them climbed out of the car and made their way into Toni’s trailer. 

Toni fumbled for a minute trying to get her keys out.

Toni finally got her key out and open the trailer door. The twos lips reconnected. 

Toni guided them towards what Cheryl assumed was her bedroom. Toni pushed Cheryl down onto the mattress her back connecting with the soft material.

“Let’s get this off what do ya say?” Toni asked gesturing towards the redhead’s shirt.

All Cheryl could manage was a nod. Cheryl sat up as Toni unbuttoned her blouse revealing Chery’s chest. Cheryl hadn’t hooked up with a girl since college. 

This foreign feeling felt oh so right. 

Being with this girl at this moment felt right.

Cheryl felt Toni’s mouth on her collar bones & chest pressing soft kisses onto her light skin. Cheryl sighed softly her chest rising to meet Toni’s mouth. Cheryl felt Toni loop her long fingers around her waistband pulling down the dress pants that had rested high on her waist.

Cheryl’s underwear were removed after her pants and she felt Toni’s mouth land on the spot that made her squirm. 

Before Cheryl knew it she was panting and her whole body squirming as she finished. Cheryl sat up quickly switching the position so Toni was the one on the receiving end.

After the two finished Cheryl leaned over the bed pulling on her underwear she then crawled up to the top of Toni’s bed to lay down to rest. She was exhausted. Today had been a long day. Including the long flight had taken earlier.

Toni laid down next to Cheryl facing her. Their eyes met and Toni gave Cheryl that wonderful soft & sweet smile that made Cheryl melt. Toni reached out and softly stroked Cheryl’s cheek. Cheryl leaned into the girl’s soft hands.

“I have a confession to make,” Cheryl said nervously biting her lip.

“Yeah?”

Toni’s hands began threading their way through Cheryl’s long red locks.

“I take this trip to Riverdale once a year. This time I’m finally going to leave my possibly abusive soon to be ex-boyfriend.”

Toni’s eyebrows raised her eyebrows hands pausing in Cheryl’s hair.

“You hook up with girls every year too?” Toni asked with a smirk.

Cheryl lightly smacked the girls arm.

“No, I actually have been with the same guy for 4 years. On and off that is.” Cheryl said.

“Is that right? Why haven’t you left him sooner?”

“I haven’t had anywhere to go. We were in California. I had no friends and no family out there. All I could do every time we broke up was call Betty. Apparently she told Jughead every damn thing I told her. Jugheads going to help me leave him.” Cheryl whispered.

“Jugheads pretty good at being heroic huh?” Toni said with a laugh.

“Yeah I guess so,” Cheryl said with a small laugh.

"Listen Cheryl. I know this may feel like a one night stand and I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for but once you've left that ex of yours permanently I'm available for some form of date. But if you're not down for that I'm perfectly happy only hooking up with a perfect girl once in my life."

Cheryl's heart practically melted at Toni's short speech. She leaned forward pressing a soft kiss on Toni's lips.

"We'll just have to see what happens." Cheryl said biting her lip.

The two then laid in comfortable silence for a few moments Toni playing with Cheryl’s hair as she felt herself begin to drift off to sleep.

 Cheryl wasn’t sure what would happen next.

 What could happen with Nick. 

She was scared as hell. 

She didn’t know what she was going to do when Nick called her again begging to get back together. 

But for now, she could lay with the girl who had made her feel happy for the first time in 4 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [My multichap bughead fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999471/chapters/42521765)
> 
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> 
> [Playlist for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/s1phz640p49j0n5hg0kawf09h/playlist/1YXs7M4M5z84mlMT9sDsZK?si=Q9brseC3QiyHaxjmbFmJ4w)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Emotionally abusive relationships are mentioned and referenced strongly if you are someone you know is stuck in the cycle of an abusive relationship please reach out
> 
> 1-800-799-SAFE  
> https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/category/identifying-abuse?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_OT0ms-W4AIVSeDICh3iug9MEAAYBCAAEgL0iPD_BwE

14 months later.

Cheryl found herself awoken once again at 4 am to her phone ringing. She glanced over to once again see Nick’s number flashing across her screen.

This was getting ridiculous.

No matter how many times she changed her number or tried to block his he always found a way to call her & it was seriously starting to get old.

Cheryl sighed kicking the blankets off herself and grabbing her phone. 

No one was around.

 She might as well answer and tell him to screw off.

Cheryl slid to accept the call then cleared her throat.

“Hello?”

“Oh my god finally. Only took you 100 phone calls to answer.”

“Nick we’re over there’s absolutely no reason for you to be calling me.”

“We aren’t over until I say we’re over you dumb whore,” Nick hissed into the phone.

“Nick no. You can’t do that shit to me anymore. Because guess what? There are 3,000 miles between us now and I have my friends in my corner this time around.”

“Yeah, that’s what you think. See you soon stupid bitch.”

At that Nick abruptly hung up the phone.

Cheryl swallowed thickly.

What did he mean by see you soon?

Cheryl sighed kicking the blankets off herself. She climbed out of bed knowing she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. 

There was too much on her mind. 

She walked to her closet to find her running clothes.

Might as well start the day off right with a run.

Cheryl scribbled out a quick note to Betty & Jughead letting them know where she was going so Betty wouldn’t wonder where Cheryl was when she woke up.

Then she was out the door. 

Ready to run. 

Ready to try & figure out what the hell Nick meant. There’s no way he’d come back to Riverdale. Right?

Cheryl shook her head slightly trying to clear that absurd yet terrifying thought from her mind. There was no way he’d be that stupid. However, she didn’t have a restraining order so it wouldn’t be that hard for him to come to Riverdale.

Suddenly Cheryl’s skin felt as if it was crawling and she felt the panic settle in even further.

Shit.

Why did she have to do this to herself?

Cheryl paused to sit on the curb so that she could try and get her nerves under control. 

She didn’t know why she was so on edge. 

She hadn’t even thought about Nick in 2 months it seemed. Why the hell did he have to butt in now?

Cheryl found herself angry at herself for even answering his phone call today. Now she had herself in a panic over what the hell that bastard was up to now.

After sitting on the curb for a few short moments she pulled herself up to finish her run. She didn’t want to be gone too long. She still had to get ready & go to work regardless of how she was feeling.

With that thought, she propelled herself forward in a light jog.

Cheryl checked her phone upon arriving back at Jughead & Betty’s and saw the time to be 5:15. 

Cheryl noticed a strange car in the driveway and she furrowed her eyebrows. 

Were Betty & Jughead expecting someone today?

Cheryl dug her house key out of the pocket to her leggings and entered the house. Upon entering she heard raised voices in the kitchen.

Strange.

Betty & Jughead may be early risers but they never seemed to fight early in the morning. Cheryl made her way through the living room then into the kitchen. She felt her heart drop once she saw who Betty was screaming at.

Nick.

How the hell did he get in & how in the world did he find out where she was staying?

Nick was sitting at Betty & Jugheads’ kitchen table looking as smug as ever. Cheryl could tell Betty was fuming. Jughead had his hand on Betty’s arm but looked equally as pissed. 

Then Cheryl’s eyes found Toni.

Toni, her wonderful girlfriend who had spent the night with her last night.

“Ah, there’s the whore of the hour,” Nick said once he had realized Cheryl had arrived.

“Oh, you actual piece of shit.”

Toni went to lunge at Nick but was grabbed around the waist by Jughead who muttered something in her ear.

Cheryl felt paralyzed by the situation. 

She couldn’t even move. 

She could barely breathe. 

Why in the hell was Nick here and how did he find her. The asshole probably tracked her phone knowing him.

Cheryl jumped as she felt arms encircle her shoulders and pull her out of the kitchen.

“Nick you have about 5 seconds to leave our house and hop your ass back on a plane to LA before I call the cops.”

Jugheads threat to Nick became faint as someone guided her out of the room. God, she could barely breathe. 

Why did this have to happen to her?

“Cher, can you look at me? I need you to breathe.”

Toni’s voice sounded muffled. Almost as if Cheryl was underwater.

And oh God Cheryl couldn’t breathe.

“Cheryl come on, please. Deep breath in and in hold it for seven seconds then a deep breath out for 4.”

Cheryl’s eyes locked with Toni’s brown eyes and she tried to follow her instructions.

Breath in.

Hold it for 7.

Breathe out for 4.

Cheryl felt herself focusing on following the breathing patterns maintaining the eye contact with Toni the whole time in order to keep herself grounded.

After a few moments, Cheryl felt her breathing beginning to even out. It still felt as if her heart was going to beat out of her chest or she was going to vomit but at least she could breathe.

Toni’s hands found their place on Cheryl's face cupping it softly. She held Cheryl’s face for a while waiting for Cheryl to calf herself down. Her thumb gently stroked Cheryl’s cheek in what she knew to be a comforting gesture to Cheryl.

After a while, Cheryl was finally able to find her voice.

“What did he want and how did he find me?” Cheryl choked out.

“Apparently he had some form of software on your phone that even you didn’t know about and he could know anywhere you went. Apparently, he’s been planning to come down to Riverdale for months.”

“Why can’t he just leave me alone,” Cheryl mumbled.

“I don’t know babe. I wish I could just get rid of him for you.” Toni murmured.

Toni’s hand reached out to thread her fingers through Cheryl’s hair. Cheryl leaned into the comforting touch as Toni’s nails gently scraped her scalp.

“Stay the hell away from Cheryl you psycho.”

Jugheads loud voice startled Cheryl and she jumped slightly at the loud noise of what she assumed was the front door slamming. A few moments later a very annoyed Jughead walked into Cheryl’s bedroom followed by Betty.

“Cheryl are you alright?” Betty questioned sitting down beside Cheryl on her bed.

“Yeah I’m fine I just need to get ready for work or else I’m going to be late.”

Cheryl abruptly stood from her bed to make her way to the shower. She was going to handle this situation the best way she knew.

On her own.

Neither Toni nor her friends deserved to be once again caught up in the drama of her life. It was bad enough she was involving and burdening them by living with them. They didn’t need Nick showing up at their door too. Cheryl would have to get rid of him on her own.

The rest of the day it felt as if Cheryl was just going through the motions waiting to get it over with. 

She received 3 texts from Nick that day. Two of them were him complaining and cursing at her. One however was him asking her to meet him for dinner to discuss things.

Reasonably Cheryl knew going out to dinner with the man who had made her feel trapped for 4 years of her life was not a good idea. But she just wanted him to leave her alone. 

She was desperate for him to leave her alone. 

She was finally starting to become happy.

That’s how she found herself waiting on Nick at pops at 7 that night. She didn’t tell Betty, Jughead or Toni where she was going knowing they’d do nothing but lecture her.

She could handle Nick on her own.

When Nick walked through the door however she felt the air knocked out of her lungs.

No.

Now was not the time to have another panic attack. She was here to settle things with Nick so he’d leave her alone so she could finally live her life.

“Cheryl darling how are you tonight?” Nick asked.

He looked so damn smug. She wanted to kick him straight in his smug face. Where did he come from being so smug?

“Hello, Nick,” Cheryl said stiffly.

‘Why the scowl Cheryl? It’s been a while. Aren’t you excited to catch up with your lovely ex-boyfriend? That’s me of course.”

“Nick stop and just cut to it. What are you doing in Riverdale and why did you ask me to come to dinner with you.”

“Oh, Cheryl I’m here in Riverdale because I’ve decided to move here on business! A certain Hiram lodge proposed a wonderful business deal and I just couldn’t refuse! I’m going to be living in the same building as Hiram for now but I’m hoping to move somewhere further away from town.”

Cheryl’s gut twisted itself at Nicks words.

Oh god.

This couldn’t be happening. Why 4 months after their breakup did Nick want to move to Riverdale. He had never even bothered to visit when they were together.

“Sounds like quite the coincidence that most likely comes with an ulterior motive,” Cheryl said.

“I would never go somewhere on business with ulterior motives. Who do you take me for?” Nick said feigning offence.

“Nick you know just as well as I do what happened when we broke. Did Jugheads threats not sink into your thick skull? I’m pretty sure he would fulfil his threats.” Cheryl said.

“He won’t have to fulfil them if he doesn’t know about this. And if you know what's good for you he won’t know about our little dinner and neither will that little skank of yours.”

Cheryl then felt something cold and metallic graze against her thigh.

Oh shit.

This psycho had a knife. He actually had a knife.

“You’re going to leave Toni the hell alone.” Cheryl snapped.

“Oh is that her name.”

Cheryl felt the blade of the knife drug up her thigh.

“Yes that’s her name you smug asshole and you’re going to leave her alone or so help me god.”

“I think I could leave her alone. If you can agree to do something for me.”

Cheryl got a sick feeling in her gut.

What did he want now?

“And what might that be.” Cheryl stuttered.

She could barely concentrate. The cool feeling of the blade dragging up and down her thigh made her feel as if her heart was squeezing.

“You’re going to break up with Toni and come back to me. Where you belong. Where you’re supposed to be. Oh & if you come back to me your friends will be safe too.”

Nick had a sickening smirk on his face. Cheryl felt as if she might actually vomit.

“Please excuse me,” Cheryl said clearing her throat.

She took off quickly to the bathroom she felt the blade of the knife slice through her thigh as she ran towards the bathroom. Ignoring the pain in her leg she made in just in time to heave into the toilet.

She didn’t know what to do. 

Truly for the first time she didn’t. 

On one hand, all she could think about was what could Nick really do to harm her friends. But at the same time, Cheryl knew he was loaded and probably had enough money to hire a hitman. 

He was certainly evil enough to.

Once Cheryl knew her stomach had finally settled she sat down on the bathroom floor. She knew breaking up with Toni would not only shove her back into her toxic situation with Nick but also break Toni’s heart.

She just didn’t know what to do.

A firm knock on the bathroom door startled Cheryl out of her daze.

“Someone’s in here,” Cheryl called out.

“Cheryl you have until tomorrow to come back to me. I hope I gave you a fair enough warning.”

With that, Cheryl heard the retreating footsteps of Nick.

Cheryl pulled out her phone to send Toni a text letting her know she was on her way back to Betty & Jugheads. She then left pops and climbed into her car. Before she could leave she heard her phone pinged with a text message. She assumed it was just Toni replying so she ignored it.

Upon arriving home Cheryl checked her cellphone once again and saw that the text was a text from Nick.

An image.

Oh no.

Cheryl quickly opened her phone and what she saw made her feel as if she might vomit again.

There was a photo of a shiny handgun paired with a message that said: “End things with Toni tonight or we’ll have to see if she and your friends can outrun a gun.”

Cheryl felt chilled to the bone.

God Nick was an actual maniac.

Cheryl swallowed and climbed out of the car. She straightened her posture to give herself some form of confidence.

Time to go break Toni’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
>  
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> [My multichap bughead fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999471/chapters/42521765)
> 
>  
> 
> [Playlist for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/s1phz640p49j0n5hg0kawf09h/playlist/1YXs7M4M5z84mlMT9sDsZK?si=Q9brseC3QiyHaxjmbFmJ4w)


	3. Chapter 3

Cheryl walked into Betty & Jugheads’ house with as much confidence as she could muster. 

She wasn’t sure how she was going to do this all she knew was so she had to.

She’d rather Toni hate her and be safe than to selfishly stay with Toni and potentially end up being at fault for any harm that may come to Toni.

“I’m home,” Cheryl announced to the house.

“I’m in the bedroom babe,” Toni called back.

Cheryl could do this.

She had to.

Breathe in.

Hold it for 7.

Breathe out.

“Toni we need to talk,” Cheryl said.

Toni looked up at Cheryl and then frowned.

“Okay. Is everything okay?”

“No. I think we’ve taken things too fast in this relationship. It’s not healthy for either one of us so I think we need to at least take a break.”

Cheryl praised God that she was able to spit it out quickly & in one go. She knew if she had stumbled or had hesitated Toni would have instantly called BS.

“Cher I don't want to invalidate your feelings but this is kind of coming out of nowhere and I just don’t understand. Things have been going so well for us.”

Cheryl’s heart shattered at the glisten of tears in the corner of Toni’s eyes. 

Her heart ached at the thought that she was the one who had caused them.

“I know but I just want to make sure I’m doing everything in both of our best interests and being together just isn’t in mine right now. I’m so sorry Toni.” Cheryl sobbed.

“Cher this isn't easy for me but if you truly feel this is what will keep you the happiest and the healthiest then I’m fine with it. But always remember if you ever happen to change your mind I’ll always be waiting.” Toni said.

Cheryl wanted to scream that this wasn’t what she wanted. 

This was the furthest thing from what she wanted. 

But she knew she couldn’t. 

Keeping Toni safe meant breaking her heart.

“Okay well, I’m going to pack and leave. I’m going to stay at a hotel for a while or maybe move in with my family.”

“Cheryl you don’t have to do that I can leave & you can stay with Betty and Jughead. You’re the one they originally had invited to live with them.”

“No it’s okay I have no problem moving,” Cheryl said.

Cheryl could feel Toni’s eyes on her the entire time she was packing her things. 

She could also hear Toni’s stifled cries she was trying to hide & the sound of the love of her life crying because of her broke Cheryl’s heart right down the middle. 

Hurting the girl of her dreams felt so selfish even if she was protecting her.

Cheryl had finished packing at 10. 

Betty and Jughead had come home a while ago. Cheryl assumed they went straight to bed since they hadn’t bothered to pop into Cheryl’s room like they normally did.

Toni helped Cheryl carry her things out to her car. 

The entire time Cheryl felt as if even walking was a chore. Her whole body hurt from the reality of having to leave Toni. 

She was about to climb into her car to leave when she heard Toni’s voice behind her.

“Can’t I at least get a goodbye kiss?” Toni joked.

Cheryl knew she was joking but she still found herself climbing out of her car to press her lips softly to Toni’s. The kiss almost felt like she was killing someone she loved. 

She knew she was leaving the one person had ever truly made her happy in life & she hated Nick for that. 

She truly did hate him.

She pulled away slowly giving Toni a sad watery smile.

“I’m really sorry but this is what’s best for me right now. I can’t be in a relationship right now.”

“I know Cher. It’s not your fault. I just wish there was more I could do to help you.” Toni said.

Cheryl wished she could scream the truth. 

She wished she could just yell for the whole world to hear how crazy Nick StClair was. 

But she had to be realistic. 

And reality said she needed to protect Toni & her friends & protecting them meant running back into the arms of the man she hated.

“I do love you,” Cheryl whispered.

She then climbed into her car with a painful stabbing in her heart. 

She backed out of the driveway out onto the road and drove off.

Cheryl didn’t even make it halfway to where Nick was staying before she broke down.

 She had to pull over to allow herself to cry. 

Allow herself to mourn the 1 relationship that meant anything to her.

Cheryl’s phone began ringing from her purse and dried her eyes quickly and cleared her throat before answering.

“That was some goodbye kiss.”

Even over the phone, Nick sounded smug.

It made her want to kill him. 

He deserved to suffer more than she had to.

“What the hell Nick do you have people watching me now?” Cheryl seethed down the phone.

“After all this time you're still just as smart as ever!”

Being patronized by Nick was just as annoying now as it was when they were together.

“Well, I’m on my way to the Pembroke assuming that’s where you’re staying.”

“Two points for Cheryl! Two correct answers in a row you’re on a roll tonight darling.”

Cheryl abruptly hung up the phone. 

She threw her phone across her car and slammed her palms down on her steering wheel letting out a scream. 

Everything was so maddening. 

She could almost feel herself ticking towards insanity.

She had foolishly thought she was completely rid of Nick when Cheryl & the serpents paid Nick a visit down in LA.

                                         13 ½ months ago

Cheryl nervously walked in-between Toni & Betty towards where Nick would be on the other side of the airport. 

The time had finally come. 

She was finally going to rid herself of Nick.

Before she even saw his face she could tell he was mad. 

His foot was tapping a mile a minute, he was wearing sunglasses & was texting. Cheryl felt the familiar feeling of panic inside herself upon seeing him. 

She never wanted to see him again but she knew she had to rid herself of him.

Nick looked up once she & the serpents were in front of him. He was clearly surprised to see so many people with her.

“Nick, Cheryl needed to have a discussion with you. We can either do it here or somewhere more private. It's your choice.” Jughead said.

“Okay, Cheryl what the hell is the meaning of this?”

“You heard him & none of us are afraid to make a scene,” Toni said.

Nick who was never one to want public conflict began leading the way towards the parking lot.

“Now what do you fools want? I’m on a time crunch right now Cheryl & I have a brunch we need to get to.” Nick snarled.

Jughead went to stand directly in front of Nick followed by Pea, Toni, Betty & Fangs on either side of him. He then roughly grabbed Nick by his collar shoving him up against his car.

“Okay you piece of shit you’re going to leave Cheryl the hell alone or you will seriously regret it. I can tell you step by step how, when & where we will kill you if you attempt to come near her again. Don’t doubt me. Just look up Gerald Petite I can guarantee you won’t enjoy what you see.”

Jughead then dropped the collar of Nicks shirt causing Nick to stumble slightly.

“Whatever I don’t need the stupid bitch anyhow she's nothing more than a bother. You all will realize how annoying she is and when they're sick of you don't hesitate to come back to me darling” Nick snarled at Cheryl.

Before leaving though he went to reach his hand out to strike Cheryl across the face before he could Sweet pea caught his wrist twisting it painfully.

“You don’t listen very well, do you? Maybe we weren't clear enough now I  suggest you don’t do that dick head.” Pea said twisting Nick's arm before dropping it harshly.

                                 Now

Cheryl climbed out of her car and began making her way into the Pembroke. 

To say she wasn’t scared would be a lie. 

She was absolutely terrified. 

She had absolutely no clue what she was walking into. 

For all, she knew she could be walking straight into a trap.

Upon entering the Pembroke, she tapped the buzzer to be let up. 

When she received no response after ringing it twice she buzzed it again. 

If Nick wanted to be a piece of shit the least, he could do was let her in.

 She went to ring it again before a voice came through the speaker.

“I hear you, darling, now would you please stop ringing that damn buzzer you’re going to give us both a headache.”

“Well, it took you forever to answer.” Cheryl snapped.

She then made her way up to where Nick was. 

Cheryl nervously knocked on his apartment door which was abruptly swung open. She was pulled into a rough kiss by Nick which lasted much longer than she wanted. 

Once he pulled away he had a wicked grin on his face that made Cheryl’s stomach twist.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you, darling.”

Nick pulled Cheryl into his side in a much too tight hug.

“Now I’ll show you your room is!”

Nick then led her through the apartment until they reached a room. It was a decent sized room with a large bathroom very similar to their room in their old apartment in LA.

“This is where you will be spending most of your time when you’re not cleaning the apartment for me or cooking. Now I’ve hired someone to teach you how to cook so you need not to worry that you can’t cook.”

“If you don’t mind me asking Nick, I still am going to go to work right?”

“Why of course not darling I don’t want to lose you again and I make plenty of money for the two of us. You shouldn’t even need to leave the apartment. In fact, you won’t be. I want to avoid you coming into contact with those annoying little friends of yours so I’ve made sure everything you may need is in the apartment. I will also need your phone just in case you get any smart ideas. Of course, I doubt you would seeing as I could literally kill all of your little friends with one simple phone call.”

“You can’t possibly serious right now Nick.” Cheryl scoffed.

“I just want to see you happy my darling.”

Nick then reached his hand out to caress Cheryl’s face. 

It felt completely different when he did it than when Toni did it. 

Nicks hands on her face made chills run up and down her spine. 

Cheryl reached up slapping his hand away from her face.

“Keep your hands off of me. You may be able to keep me here like a prisoner but you will not put your hands on me.” Cheryl seethed.

Nick kept his composure for a few short minutes before Cheryl was shoved onto the couch and he was squeezing her cheeks tightly.

“Listen here you spiteful bitch you don’t tell me when and if I can put my hands on you because I can do whatever the hell I want. I’m the one with the gun you’re not so I suggest you listen to what I say unless you want me to blow your friends brains out and make you watch.”

Nick then let go of her face and gave her sickeningly sweet smile.

“Now my darling let's head to your room where you’ll stay for the night. I was going to let you enjoy dinner with myself but since you decided acting out was a good option you won’t be eating this evening. It’s not like you need dinner anyhow all your time away from me definitely caused you to put on a few pounds.”

He then grabbed Cheryl by her bicep gripping much tighter than necessary and pushed her back into the room he had previously shown her. 

The door to the room slammed and she heard the locks clicked.

Cheryl couldn’t contain the scream that ripped through her throat. She was so angry she could barely breathe.

Breathe in.

Hold it for 7.

Breathe out for 4.

Cheryl crawled into the large bed in the room curling up underneath the covers. 

God, she wished none of this had happened to her. 

She wished she had never involved herself with Nick. 

If she had been able to give her past self-advice it’d be don’t talk to the man with the curly hair & kind eyes because he was going to ruin her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts??
> 
>  
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> [My multichap bughead fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999471/chapters/42521765)
> 
>  
> 
> [Playlist for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/s1phz640p49j0n5hg0kawf09h/playlist/1YXs7M4M5z84mlMT9sDsZK?si=Q9brseC3QiyHaxjmbFmJ4w)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape. Please don't read if this may harm or trigger you in any way.
> 
> 800.656.HOPE
> 
> 800.656.HOPE
> 
> 800.656.HOPE
> 
> Stay safe.

Cheryl slept fitfully that night. 

She woke up at nearly any sound that echoed through the empty apartment. 

Nick had slipped into the bed with her sometime in the middle of the night.

 The very feeling of sleeping next to him made her skin crawl. 

She hated it.

She wished she was still with Toni. 

She wished she could still feel her warm arms around her middle.

Cheryl was still awake when Nick’s alarm went off at 7. 

She felt him sit up and lean over the bed to place a kiss on her mouth. 

Something he always did when they were still together.

Cheryl scrunched up her face and turned it slightly.

“Manners my darling.” Nick chided from above her.

Cheryl opened her eyes to see Nick looming over top of her.

Cheryl internally groaned.

She did not want to kiss the psycho bastard one bit.

Nick apparently picked up on her hesitation and once again felt the need to remind her he wouldn’t hesitate to blow her friends brains out & get away with it. 

So Cheryl reluctantly sat up and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

Nick then climbed out of the bed and Cheryl decided to follow suit. She followed him out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where the two of them sat in silence and ate breakfast.

 It painfully reminded Cheryl of when the two of them were still together and he would sit on his phone and ignore her. 

Toni never did that to her.

Cheryl might have been the one doing the ignoring but she never fully ignored Toni.

                                                     7 months ago

Cheryl and Toni were sitting at the breakfast bar in Betty & Jugheads kitchen eating cereal. Cheryl had one leg pulled up by her chest the other one left to freely dangle. She was lazily scooping her lucky charms in her mouth whilst scrolling through her phone.

Cheryl felt a soft poke to her ribs and she looked up to see her girlfriend grinning at her. 

Cheryl raised a questioning brow as to why her girlfriend felt the need to harass her while she was trying to do her morning scroll of the gram.

“Can I help you?” Cheryl asked with a small smile.

“Nothing I just want the girl who I love to at least pretend she takes an interest in me.”

Cheryl’s heart melted at her words. Toni’s never failed to give Cheryl butterflies. 

Toni was truly the most perfect human.

“I love you too TT.”

Cheryl then scooped another spoonful of lucky charms in her mouth and went to return to her scrolling. 

Toni, however, had other plans and gently captured Cheryl’s chin and pulled it up before placing a kiss on her mouth. 

Toni then pulled away however Cheryl wrapped her hands around the back of Toni’s neck to pull her back into a kiss.

“You can’t just start something then not finish it.” Cheryl murmured through the kiss.

“Oh yeah and what exactly did I start baby,” Toni said.

“You know exactly what you started and you also know I do not have time before work.”

“Hmm well, maybe you have time for one of these.”

Toni then leaned in & kissed Cheryl’s forehead then pulled back smiling at her girlfriend. 

Cheryl returned the smile then went to return to her phone however it was not where she had placed it on the counter.

Cheryl’s brows knit themselves together as she began looking for her phone. 

She was notorious for losing her phone but she wasn’t entirely sure how she could have lost it this time around. 

She was certain she had placed it on the counter. 

After searching for a good 5 minutes she heard Toni giggling beside her. 

Cheryl turned to look at her.

“And what is so funny to you?”

“Are you looking for something? Maybe that device you were looking at rather than your girlfriend.”

Toni then pulled Cheryl’s cellphone out of the pocket of her pyjama bottoms with a grin.

“I swiped it while I was romancing you.”

“Guess that’s the last time I allow you to romance me seeing as you turn into a thief,” Cheryl said.

                                     Now

Cheryl’s heart hurt at the very thought of Toni. 

She wondered what the beautiful brunette was doing right now? 

Was she thinking of Cheryl like Cheryl was thinking of her? 

She just wished she could walk right out the door of the Pembroke and return to her girlfriend.

If there was one thing more important than loving Toni it was keeping Toni safe. 

Which was exactly what she was doing.

Cheryl was going to find a way out of this hell hole though. 

There was no way she was going to take all this shit laying down. 

She wasn’t going to let Nick walk all over her and manipulate her life again.

So as soon as Nick had left and locked her in the apartment she began brainstorming. 

She was going to come up with the perfect escape plan. 

It had to be perfect because if it wasn’t people would die. 

People she loved would die.  

She contemplated trying to just make a run for it however she knew whatever she did it had to be quick and something Nick couldn’t instantly find out about.

So she decided on calling the police from Nicks cellphone once he had fallen asleep. She was fairly certain they’d listen to her since FP Jones was the sheriff.

FP had been one of the few people she told about the situation with Nick outside of her friends. 

He had not been the sheriff at that time so there was nothing he could do for her but listen. 

This time around however he could do something for her.

                               12 1/2 months ago

Cheryl was sitting in FP Jones’ trailer with Betty, Toni & Jughead playing board games. 

Cheryl hadn’t left the house in nearly a month and Betty was visibly becoming worried about Cheryl so she decided why not have a game night at Jugheads dads house. Even if Cheryl wasn’t ready to leave the house Betty had declared that she had to leave because it wasn’t healthy to just coop herself up.

The four of them had been playing games for nearly an hour when the lock turned and FP walked into his trailer. 

By the look on his face, he wasn’t surprised to see the four of them.

“Cheryl, Betty, Toni, Jug how are you four doing this afternoon? You guys look like you’re having fun” FP said with a clearly forced smile.

Cheryl her head in confusion and Jughead rolled his eyes.

“Dad when I said be welcoming to Cheryl I meant act normal not act like some weird ass southern bell.”

“Right sorry kid. How are you doing Cheryl.” FP asked with a more natural kind smile.

“I’m good thank you, Mr. Jones,” Cheryl said with a small smile.

The rest of the game night played out and as much as Cheryl didn’t want to admit it she truly did have fun. It was the most fun she’d had in a while. She had forgotten how much she missed just hanging out with her friends. 

Even better now that she had a girlfriend to hang out with too.

They were all ready to leave but before they could leave FP gently grabbed Cheryl by the arm asking if he could speak to her. 

Cheryl was concerned wondering might be wrong so she agreed.

“Listen, Cheryl, I don’t know what you went through and I don’t want to come across as just another dipshit feigning concern but I want to tell you genuinely that you didn’t deserve whatever happened and if there’s anything I can do I will absolutely do it. Even if you just need someone to talk to I’m here.” FP said.

“Thank you, Mr. Jones. It's really hard to talk to anyone about anything right now but if I ever feel compelled i'll call you." 

Cheryl then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around FP in a tight embrace.

                                                Now

Cheryl anxiously waited for Nick to get home. 

It felt as if the evening couldn’t come quick enough.

 She was practically shaking with anxiety. 

Her plan felt foolproof. 

The worst that could happen is he caught her. 

A chill went down her back at the thought.

She didn’t even want to think about what might happen if he did catch her.

Cheryl was pulled from her thoughts by Nick entering the apartment. He walked over to where she was on the couch and roughly kissed her mouth. 

She managed to not flinch away this time. 

The last thing she wanted to do was make him angry.

Dinner felt as if it dragged on for years. Cheryl had to physically hold her leg down from tapping up & down. 

Nick had forced her to prepare dinner which to some degree took her mind off her escape plan but she still couldn’t help the copious amount of anxiety rolling through her body.

After what felt like forever Cheryl had cleared and cleaned their plates. 

Cheryl had practically run to the bedroom when he told her to go to bed.

If Nick came to bed around the last time as last night she should be able to call the police around 4 to ensure he’s asleep. 

She could be free by 5.

Cheryl kept herself awake and around 2 she felt Nick crawl into bed. 

His arm looped itself around her waist and pulled her towards him. 

He pushed her hair behind her ear and began kissing behind her ear.

Nope.

Cheryl was not going down this road with him. 

Nope. 

No way.

Cheryl gently shoved him off of her. 

Not soon after he grabbed her and rolled her onto her back & then she was looking directly into his eyes. 

He grabbed her by her jaw and placed a small kiss on it. 

Just Nick kissing her made her skin crawl. 

She didn’t want his hands on her.

She tried to squirm away from him slightly however he pinched her side harshly causing her to whine in pain.

“Now my darling behave yourself and it might actually be enjoyable for us both,” Nick said with a wink.

Cheryl’s stomach churned at the statement. 

He made her physically ill. 

She tried once more to get away from him by being more forceful this time. 

Nick just grabbed her by her sides shoving her into the bed.

“You either behave for me or I tie you up.” Nick hissed in her ear.

Cheryl tried once more to get away the threat of being tied up not scaring her enough to make her stay put. 

This time Nicks' hand come down harshly smacking her across her cheek causing her to scream startled.

Cheryl then began putting up more of a fight trying anything. 

Kicking, biting, clawing, hitting she didn’t care. 

She was not going to have sex with him. 

Nick, however, had different thoughts and once again harshly slapped her then with his necktie tied her hands above her head to the headboard.

He then pulled his belt out of his pants.

“Try to fight me again and I swear to god I’ll beat the living shit out of you.” He snarled.

Cheryl then began full on sobbing. 

This could not be happening. 

This was supposed to go smoothly. 

This part was not supposed to happen. 

The entire time Nick had his way with her all she could do was cry. 

Her entire body was drenched and soaking in shame and pain.

She just wanted this torture to end.

The few times she did try to fight him off he smacked her multiple times with his belt.

Nick was finally done after a mere 25 minutes that felt as if they dragged on forever. 

He reached up and untied her hands and with teary eyes, she looked at the clock that blinked 2:29.

“Alright I’m going to take a shower then maybe we can have round 2 if you’re lucky.” 

With a sickening wink, he walked into the bathroom.

Cheryl heard the shower turn on and then she spotted his phone. 

He had left it on the nightstand. 

This was amazing. 

She was going to escape sooner. 

She waited a few moments to ensure he was truly in the shower. 

She knew she had plenty of time because Nick took forever in the shower.

With shaky hands, Cheryl called 911.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“Hi yes, my ex-boyfriend is holding me captive at 6972 algothe lane please hurry he’s in the shower right now. Please you have to hurry I dont have much time.” Cheryl rushed out suddenly beginning to panic.

“Alright, ma’am and can you please stay on the line with us till the police get there.”

“I can’t I’m afraid he’ll come out and find me using his cellphone.”

“Alright, ma’am could you please just stay on the line but set the cellphone down? We’ll have a team there in around 5 minutes.”

“Yes thank you,” Cheryl said setting the phone down on the nightstand than crawling back into bed.

Just a few short moments later she heard the shower turn off and then just mere seconds after that she heard multiple police sirens outside.

It was time for her escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> I have end of year testing coming up so the next update will be delayed by a week so pt 5 will be out 4.18.19.
> 
>  
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> [My multichap bughead fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999471/chapters/42521765)
> 
>  
> 
> [Playlist for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/s1phz640p49j0n5hg0kawf09h/playlist/1YXs7M4M5z84mlMT9sDsZK?si=Q9brseC3QiyHaxjmbFmJ4w)


	5. Chapter 5

“Police open up!”

There was a loud banging at the door of who Cheryl assumed was the police.

Upon glancing out the window she could see multiple squad cars with the building surrounded.

“What the hell did you do you whore.” Nick came storming out of the bathroom with just a bathrobe wrapped around himself.

He grabbed Cheryl around her neck and then she felt the cool metal of a gun under her jaw.

“You’re lucky I’m not calling to have your little friend’s brains blown out right now.”

Nick then guided Cheryl through the apartment until they reached the balcony.

He pulled Cheryl through the door and stood on the balcony.

Nick was holding Cheryl against him tightly with the gun poking uncomfortably into her jaw.

“Sir please drop the gun. Everything will be alright if you just drop the gun. We have the place surrounded so It’s not in your best benefit to harm this young lady in any way”

Cheryl’s eyes averted to the ground where she saw none other than FP Jones looking up at them.

“You have the place surrounded huh? Well, what’s the use of surrounding the place if I blow this bitches brains out then my own? No one has to go to jail and we both die.”

Cheryl could almost picture the crazed look she assumed Nick wore right now.

The same crazed look that never failed to frighten her when they were still together.

“Sir please we don’t want either one of you to die so if you could please just put the gun down and let the lady go the consequences won’t be so bad.”

“Cheryl I swear to god you can’t leave me again. Not again I finally have you back and I’m not about to let you go.”

Just then she felt the gun leave her jaw.

She could almost feel the small crowd of police officers holding their breath.

Then the gun went off.

She felt the splatter of red land on her body and she wanted to scream.

She yearned to just scream.

To just let it all out but she found herself speechless.

She couldn’t move, talk or scream.

Cheryl’s ears were ringing louder than Nicks body dropping to the ground behind her as she frantically shoved him off.

Everything felt too loud.

Her vision was spinning and she could feel herself growing faint & then she did.

                                           3 ½ years ago

Cheryl and Nick were fighting again. She couldn’t even remember what they had been fighting about all she knew was now they were in a screaming match against each other and Cheryl’s lungs ached from screaming so much & she felt short of breath.

“Nick I’m seriously tired of this. You always say you’re going to change your shit any time we take a break but we get back together and nothing changes at all Nick. This is becoming far too exhausting for me to handle. I’m seriously leaving this time I can’t handle this any more seriously. Nothing is getting better at all. I love you Nick but this cycle isn’t good for either one of us.”

“Cheryl you can’t leave me. It’s not fair on me.”

“Why’s that Nick because it doesn’t feel fair for either one of us to have to continue in this relationship.”

“Cheryl if you leave me I’ll kill myself. I can’t live without you so I’m better off dead.” Nick deadpanned.

Cheryl’s eyebrows rose in astonishment & fear.

He wouldn’t truly do that, would he?

There’s no way.

“Are you being serious right now?” Cheryl questioned tripping over her words.

“Yes, Cher. I can’t live without you and I’d rather not live at all then live without you.”

With that Nick burst into tears and Cheryl felt her heartbreak and she felt sorry for Nick just like every other time they had broken up.

She knew it was a vicious cycle but she just couldn’t bring herself to break it.

Nick needed her too much and she needed him too much for them to be separate from each other.

She had to stay.

                                                 Now

Cheryl awoke and all she could hear were voices that were much too loud and a searing pain the back of her head.

Upon opening her eyes, she saw she was being wheeled out of the Pembroke.

They were about to wheel her into the back of the ambulance when she saw a second stretcher being pulled out.

Cheryl could tell it was a person on the stretcher and with a small gust of the wind, the blanket flew back revealing Nick’s face.

His dead face.

“No.”

A scream tore through Cheryl’s throat as she leapt off the stretcher desperate to get to him.

There was no way he was dead.

He couldn’t be.

Cheryl didn’t get too far before she was encircled by arms pulling her back down.

“No, let me go. I need to see Nick please.”

Cheryl was sobbing as the EMTs struggled to keep her down.

She screamed until her throat was raw and clawed at the arms of EMTS until she could barely feel her fingers.

Suddenly there were restraints around her wrist only upsetting her further causing her to become hysterical.

Screaming trying her best to escape the restraints.

“We might have to sedate her.”

“Let me through.”

Cheryl heard a booming voice yell.

Soon she matched the voice to the face when FP loomed over top of her.

“Can we please get these damn shackles off her? She’ll be calm.” FP promised.

With a long pause of hesitation, an EMT finally took the restraints off her wrists.

“Cheryl, would you like to sit up?” FP asked.

All Cheryl could manage was an exhausted nod.

She felt far too exhausted to fight anymore.

The pain in the back of her head was searing and she winced in pain.

“The pain should not be quite as bad soon we’ve given you some medication that should work until we make it to the hospital.”

“Thank you.” Cheryl murmured under her breath.

A few minutes later Cheryl looked over at FP who seemed lost in his own world.

“Is he really dead?” Cheryl asked.

FP turned to look at her with a sad look in his eye.

Just from his face, she knew the answer & oh god why did it hurt this much.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt she was supposed to be happy that he was gone for good & then Cheryl began sobbing.

She was practically hysterical when she felt FP wrap her in a warm bear hug.

The type of hug her father never gave her.

The type that made her feel for just a few moments that maybe she wasn’t the awful devious person everyone painted her to be.

The ambulance finally pulled into the hospital parking lot.

“Cheryl your friends are here but you don’t need to see them until you feel ready,” FP said as someone began wheeling her out.

Maybe it was the shock or the stress Cheryl didn’t know but she found herself slipping under into unconsciousness again.

If only she’d seen the EMT prick the sedative into her arm.

Upon waking up this time Cheryl felt drowsy and calm.

She blinked slightly to try to bring the room into focus.

She then looked around seeing a nurse jotting something down on her clipboard she then shifted her eyes to the chair beside her where FP was sitting.

“Mr Jones?”

“Cheryl you’re awake! You don’t have to if you don’t want to but your friends and Toni just about hit me when I said they couldn’t see you until you confirmed you wanted to see them.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to tell Toni. I mean what do I say after breaking up with her & lying to her about this whole situation?"

FPs expression morphed into one of sympathy.

“Well first off you don’t have to but if you want to you can tell me what exactly happened with Nick. He may be gone but it’s still a good idea to inform the police of what he did.”

“He threatened me," Cheryl stated.

"Can you elaborate on that please?" Fp asked.

"He threatened to kill Toni and the people I love."

There was a long moment of silence with only the scratching of FPS pencil as he jotted down what Cheryl had said.

“Can you please send my friends in now?” Cheryl asked after a few more moments.

“Yes of course.”

FP stood up and left the room closing the door behind him.

A few minutes after FP had left the door was shoved open and in came Betty, Jughead, Pea, Toni & fangs.

Betty was the first one to approach her and she threw her arms around Cheryl.

Cheryl couldn't help the flinch at the feeling of human contact.

“Oh my god, Cheryl we were so worried.”

As they all came and spoke to Cheryl briefly she couldn't help but keep her eye on Toni in the corner eyeing Cheryl.

Who could blame Toni though? 

C heryl had been awful to her. 

Then Toni moved across the room towards Cheryl. Toni reached out a hand to caress Cheryl's face like she used to.

Cheryl flinched.

Guilt pooled her stomach at Toni's hurt expression.

“Toni I’m sorry.” Cheryl tried but was interrupted by Toni.

“It’s okay Cher. We can talk about us later right now we need to make sure you’re okay.”

A few hours later & visiting hours were over and Cheryl was prepared to be alone once more.

She dreaded it but she knew she had to be.

Betty & Jughead had offered to stay but she knew it wouldn’t be fair to have them stay.

She was well aware of how much sleeping in a hospital sucked.

So everyone said their goodbyes until Toni spoke up.

“Guys I think I’m going to stay with Cheryl tonight. I know you guys offered & she declined but I think it might be better if she isn’t alone. She might feel better.”

“I don’t want to inconvenience you, Toni.”

“You’re not inconveniencing me, Cher, I offered.”

Cheryl just nodded her head slightly and watched as the others left.

Toni started setting up the bed in the hospital room.

Cheryl knew what she wanted to say to Toni she just wasn’t entirely sure in what order her words needed to go.

“Toni listen I really am sorry. What I did was unforgivable and I can't make excuses for it. I just don't know what I would have done if Nick had hurt you."

“ I’m not angry at you Cheryl.”

Cheryl was shocked she was nearly certain she would hate her.

“I’m not Cher. You’ve been through so much and I’m so proud of you. Nicks gone now though so no more unexpected breakups better come out of nowhere.”

Cheryl didn't deserve this girl.

She was nothing but wonderful to Cheryl.

“There won’t be any more breakups at least on my end,” Cheryl said

“Good. Now that we’ve established we’re still good is there anything you need to talk about because I’m always willing to listen.” Toni said.

Toni made her way towards where Cheryl was on the hospital bed & took a seat on it facing Cheryl.

Cheryl could already feel herself becoming upset just at the thought of the past few hours.

“Nick’s dead and it’s my fault & I honestly don’t know how I’m going to live myself,” Cheryl mumbled

“It’s not your fault Cheryl.”

“Yes, it is. I may not have pulled that trigger but I pushed him there. I called the police. I left him again and he’s dead because of that.” Cheryl sobbed.

“Cheryl, can you look at me & listen to me very closely?”

Cheryl gave a small nod.

“It’s not your fault at all. Nick ultimately decided to pull that trigger and as selfish I may sound I’m thankful he didn’t decide to shoot you. Events that you were involved in may have led up to him making the decision to end his life but you are in no way at fault for what he decided to do. So don’t think you are because you’re not. Plain & simple he chose to do it not you no matter your involvement in the events that led to his suicide it is not your fault.”

Cheryl swallowed.

She wanted to believe Toni and maybe some part of her knew that it wasn't her fault but the guilt & shame were chewing away at her stomach.

“You don’t have to believe me Cher but it’s time for you to truly heal. Nick’s gone now & he’s not coming back you can finally get over him. It’s not healthy for you to dwell on his death especially you thinking it’s your fault. Do you understand me?”

How could Toni sound so assertive yet so kind at the same time?

It never failed to amaze Cheryl and her heart swooned for Toni.

She always managed to calm Cheryl down.

“I understand. I want to be able to have a future with you without thinking of Nick.”

“That’s my girl,” Toni said.

Toni climbed into the hospital bed beside Cheryl.

Cheryl didn't know why but she turned the other way when Toni climbed in beside her.

The picture of Toni's hurt was stuck in her brain.

Cheryl just couldn’t handle being touched right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> Pt 6 coming 5.2.19
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> [My multichap bughead fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999471/chapters/42521765)
> 
>  
> 
> [Playlist for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/s1phz640p49j0n5hg0kawf09h/playlist/1YXs7M4M5z84mlMT9sDsZK?si=Q9brseC3QiyHaxjmbFmJ4w)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW; Survivors guilt, memories of rape & trauma.  
> If you may be triggered by these subjects please don't read.  
> Stay safe.
> 
> 800.656.HOPE  
> 800.656.HOPE  
> 800.656.HOPE  
> 800.656.HOPE
> 
> 1-800.799.SAFE  
> 1-800.799.SAFE  
> 1-800.799.SAFE  
> 1-800.799.SAFE

Cheryl climbed out of the back of Jughead’s car on shaky legs and was soon followed out by Toni.

Toni went to grab Cheryl’s arm in an attempt to help her stand but before she could Cheryl flinched pulling her arm away.

She hadn’t let anyone touch her since she was let out of the hospital earlier that day.

Everything reminded her of Nick.

Absolutely everything and she hated it.

All she wanted to do right now was go inside take a shower and then lay down.

Once everything had made its way inside Cheryl quickly dismissed herself to the bathroom to take a shower.

Cheryl flipped on the water in the shower as she undressed.

As she undressed she caught a brief glimpse of herself in the mirror and she felt like crying.

Crusted in her hair was his blood.

Nick’s blood.

It was a painfully fresh reminder that he was dead because of her.

Ultimately no matter what anyone said his death was ultimately her fault.

She should have stayed.

If she had just stayed he’d still be alive.

With one last glance at herself in the mirror, she climbed into the shower.

Whilst in the shower she scrubbed at her hair until her entire scalp felt raw.

She ran her poof up and down her body until she felt as if she was one step away from being skinned.

Cheryl needed to get him off her.

She needed to rid her body of his blood.

Cheryl watched numbly as the light pink water rinsed down the drain.

Nick’s blood.

Everything reminded her of him.

The water had begun to go cold as she turned it off. She slid out of the shower to grab her bathrobe.

“Shit,” Cheryl muttered to herself.

She had just realized she had completely forgotten to grab clothes on her way into the bathroom.

Cheryl briefly considered calling out for someone to bring her clothes but immediately squashed the idea.

Cheryl pulled her bathrobe tighter around her body and slowly crept her way out of the bathroom to grab some clothes to wear so she could finally crawl into bed and just sleep.

She heard voices as she approached the living room where she had previously left her bag that had her clothes in it.

“I just don’t know what to do. She won’t let me even touch her.”

Cheryl immediately recognized the voice as Toni’s.

Her heart shattered hearing her broken tone.

“Toni I know it seems hopeless right now but we just have to be there for Cheryl we don’t know what she went through this past week hell we barely know what she went through the 4 years she was with Nick.” Jughead input.

“Jug’s right all we can do it be there for her. Eventually, she’ll hopefully begin to open up. We all love Cheryl and we’re going to be there for both her and you.”

Cheryl watched as Betty placed a comforting hand on Toni’s shoulder.

It made Cheryl feel like shit.

She had dug up all these negative depressing emotions in everyone.

She was ultimately the one to blame right now.

She couldn’t pin this one on Nick or anyone else.

It was her fault.

Cheryl desperately wanted to continue to eavesdrop.

She wanted to listen to what they all truly had to say but she knew that would be wrong so she made herself known by walking in and acting as if she hadn’t heard anything they had previously said.

With shaky hands, Cheryl dug her pyjamas out of her bag and went to turn around to head back to the bathroom to get dressed.

“Cher wait a minute,” Toni called after her.

Cheryl paused and spun around on her heels to face Toni.

“Yes?”

“Do you wanna maybe watch a movie tonight? Betty, Jug & I were thinking about renting that a movie. If you want, you can pick it out!”

The last thing Cheryl wanted to do was see a movie.

“I would love to but tonight I think I just want to go to sleep.”

Cheryl could see the confusion on all of their faces. She knew exactly what they were thinking.

“It’s 6 pm why was she going to bed right now.”

Cheryl wished she could put everything she was feeling into words.

If she was asleep she didn’t have to be taunted by thoughts of Nick.

Everything didn’t remind her of Nick if she was asleep.

“Yeah okay maybe tomorrow,” Toni said.

Cheryl gave the three of them a forced smile and received a sad smile back from Toni.

Upon getting back into the bathroom Cheryl quickly got dressed then made her way out of the bathroom and crawled into bed.

  ----------------------------------------

His hands were all over her body touching, grasping, pulling and she couldn’t get them off her.

Her nose burned with the smell of cool water.

The cologne he always wore.

She was suffocating.

He was laying on her feeling her body.

Running his hands through her hair.

A hand dragged up her leg as one tugged and pulled harshly on her breast.

She tried to fight but she couldn’t move.

She couldn’t scream, couldn’t move, couldn’t even speak.

Then the images behind her eyelids shifted and there she was.

Back on that balcony Nick’s body heavily leaning on her his blood sticky and thick.

It was all over her.

In her hair, on her hands, on her neck and in her mouth.

She was choking.

Choking up blood.

Cheryl startled awake coughing.

She jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom and began brushing her teeth.

The taste of metal was lingering in her mouth and no matter how hard she scrubbed she couldn’t get that awful taste out of her mouth.

She had brushed her teeth 4 times when Toni had sleepily made her way into the bathroom and Cheryl could see in the mirror that she was staring at her as if she had grown a second head.

“Cheryl, what are you doing?” Toni questioned.

“Brushing my teeth what does it look like I’m doing.” Cheryl snapped.

Toni calmly walked over to Cheryl and gently plucked the toothbrush from her hand and tossed it into the trash.

She then turned to Cheryl with eyes so kind it made Cheryl’s stomach ache.

“Cher, can you please tell me why you’re brushing your teeth over and over at 2:30 in the morning?”

“No reason I need to take a shower just go back to bed,” Cheryl muttered.

Toni quirked an eyebrow in confusion.

Whatever.

If she wasn’t going to leave Cheryl was just going to take one with Toni in the room.

So with a huff, Cheryl climbed into the shower and undressed throwing her clothes over the shower curtain then flipped the water on.

The cold water sputtered out startling Cheryl but eventually warmed up.

She once again scrubbed her entire body down with her poof.

This time around Cheryl needed to not only rub his blood off.

She needed to rub what that dream had drenched her body in.

The water was still hot when Cheryl climbed out hinting towards the fact she hadn’t been in there too long.

As she climbed out of the shower Cheryl was shocked to see Toni was still sitting on the toilet seat waiting on Cheryl.

“If you’re going to sit in here can you please hand me my clothes.”

Cheryl knew she shouldn’t speak to Toni the way she was but she just needed to be left alone right now and Toni was just not picking up on that.

Cheryl pulled on her pyjamas despite her body still dripping wet from the shower.

Once she was dressed she pushed her way past Toni and climbed back into the bed pulling the comforter over her head.

Cheryl could feel the bed dip as Toni climbed into bed beside her. The two of them laid in silence for nearly half an hour before Toni finally spoke up.

“Cheryl, I know you’re hurting right now and I’m willing to be patient with you but if you’re going to wake up in the middle of the night and randomly start brushing your teeth and taking showers I just want a brief explanation you don’t even have to tell me why you’re doing it. All you have to say is you don’t want to talk about but you can’t leave me in anticipation wondering what you’re going to do next. How do I know you’re not going to hurt yourself?” Toni huffed out in one breath.

Cheryl’s heart squeezed with guilt.

The only way Cheryl knew to deal with what she was feeling was to shut people out.

That’s what she had to do when she was with Nick.

She didn’t have to do that with Toni.

It pained Cheryl how wonderful, understanding and patient Toni was with her because she knew she didn’t deserve it.

“I just had a bad dream Toni and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. That’s all you have you have to say Cheryl you can be honest with me and others without having to spill every little detail.”

Cheryl let out a sigh through her nose then turned around to face Toni.

“I think I want to go to Nick’s funeral.” She stated.

Toni seemed at a loss for words for a few short moments.

“Cheryl I’m not sure that’s the best idea for you or his family.”

“I don’t care if it’s not a good idea. I need to go not only for me but to apologize to his family for what happened to their son because of me.”

“Cheryl what happened to Nick was not your fault. What happened is on him and not you. So please Cheryl don’t go to that funeral it won’t do anything but upset both parties. His family and you. You don’t need to go through anything else. It’s bad enough you had to witness and be there when he shot himself please don’t torture yourself any more Cher.”

Cheryl knew Toni had a point but she needed closure.

“I won’t go,” Cheryl muttered.

Who said Toni needed to know she was going?

It was just a little white lie and Toni never needed to know she actually went.

“Thank you, Cheryl.”

Once again the room was filled with silence before Cheryl spoke.

“I’m really sorry for the way I’ve acted since I left the hospital you don’t deserve that.”

“It’s alright Cher you’re lashing out because you’re hurting and I can understand that.”

God, why did Toni have to be so perfect?

Pushing all thoughts of Nick and her nightmare aside she leaned forward in the dark and gave Toni a kiss ignoring the flashes of Nick behind her eyelids upon doing so.

She didn’t know what to say to truly express how wonderful she thought Toni was but she hoped Toni could feel the way she felt as she pressed her mouth against Toni’s letting all her emotions leak into that kiss.

Toni pulled away and brushed her hand against Cheryl’s face.

“I love you so much Cher and I’ll always be here for you,” Toni muttered.

“I know.” Cheryl murmured.

“Do you promise you won’t go to his funeral? I love you and care about you too much to let you go to that funeral and let all the guilty return to you.”

When Toni spoke like that it made Cheryl feel even worse about lying to her.

But she needed the closure of going to Nick’s funeral.

It was just a small white lie.

Plus, Toni had even said that Cheryl didn’t have to tell her everything and she didn’t expect Cheryl to tell her everything.

So technically Cheryl was not lying.

“I won’t go I promise.” Chery lied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final part coming 5.16/19
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)
> 
>  [My multichap bughead fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999471/chapters/42521765)
> 
> [Playlist for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/s1phz640p49j0n5hg0kawf09h/playlist/1YXs7M4M5z84mlMT9sDsZK?si=Q9brseC3QiyHaxjmbFmJ4w)


	7. Chapter 7

1 week later.

 

Cheryl climbed out of the back of her uber.

No one knew she was at his funeral.

She had told everyone she was going to California to pick up a few things from his old apartment she was never able to get before which wasn’t entirely a lie.

Toni, of course, found it suspicious that she wanted to go to California the week of Nick’s funeral but Cheryl had convinced her that she wasn’t going to go to the funeral

Toni accepted this excuse not wanting to push Cheryl.

She knew it was wrong to lie to Toni.

But Cheryl needed closure.

She needed to apologize to his family for what she had done.

For taking their son away from them.

Cheryl pulled her coat closer and she made her way over to the long line of fold-out chairs.

Cheryl found herself a seat and sat down dipping her head in an attempt to remain unseen. She couldn’t imagine how much his family must hate her now. She had murdered their son.

She ducked her head as she made her way up to where his family was sitting.

She needed to apologize. Nicks family deserved at least that. 

Cheryl was now standing right in front of Nicks mom.

“Mrs St. Clair?”

Cheryl could tell by the look on her face that she was not pleased at all to see Cheryl.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened to Nick. I take full responsibility for taking your son from you.”

Nicks mother went to speak before she was interrupted by Nick’s sister Amy

“Die.” His sister screamed lunging at Cheryl.

Before she could even process the situation she was tackled to the ground and Amy was viciously hitting Cheryl.

All Cheryl could do was curl up and cover her face. She could feel herself begin to panic at being pinned down.

This was 100% the worst possible time to have a panic attack.

“Amy what the hell get off her.”

Amy was then yanked off of Cheryl and she was able to look up to see Amy thrashing in Nicks brother Chris’ arms.

“That psycho bitch has no reason to show up here Chris she killed our brother you should not be defending her,” Amy screamed.

“Jay please take care of her for now,” Chris said pushing Amy towards her husband.

Cheryl was still on the ground when Chris offered out a hand to help Cheryl up.

She stared at it for a few short moments.

“I’m not going to go psycho on you Cheryl.” He said with a light laugh.

“Thank you.”

Cheryl grabbed Chris’ hand and stood up dusting off her dress. She cleared her throat awkwardly before speaking.

“I’m really sorry Chris I shouldn’t have come. I should have just sent a card or something coming here was disrespectful and inappropriate. I know what I did to Nick and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t expect you all to forgive me.”

“Cheryl I don’t blame you. Nick killed himself and after hearing how he treated you when he was alive it would’ve made sense if you had killed him but you didn’t.”

“Still. Suicide or not I pushed him to that place and I’m sorry I want you all to know that I am sorry because at one time I did love Nick and some part of me still does. I can’t imagine ever losing someone so close to me so I am sorry.”

“Thank you, Cheryl. I appreciate the apology.” Chris said.

“Um, Chris I was also wondering if there’s any way I could get into Nick and I’s old apartment? If not, it’s fine I just think I might have left a few things of mine there and wanted to get them.”

“Since you mentioned it Cher I think we got a box or two of stuff that we think belonged to you and maybe some stuff that belongs to your current girlfriend Toni? We’re not sure how he got it but it had her name on it.”

Cheryl’s heart dropped at the idea of Nick having things of Toni’s.

She had no clue of how he would get his hands on her stuff Cheryl knew he was a powerful and manipulative man but she never imagined him stealing things from her girlfriend.

“Um, could you just ship me them? I can pay for the postage it’s just I don’t think I could get them back on the plane.”

“Yes of course!”

 

                        2 weeks later.

“Cher you got a package today! It’s on the kitchen table.” Betty called out.

Cheryl made her way into the kitchen to receive her package.

Cheryl was alarmed to see how large the package was & was confused as to who it may be from until she saw the California return address and remembered Chris had mailed her some of her old things from their old apartment.

Upon opening the package there were clothes neatly folded.

Cheryl pulled them out setting them down on her bed to put away later.

Below all the clothes Cheryl saw multiple cards stacked neatly at the bottom of the box.

She grabbed the thick stack out confused.

They were all cards she had either received from Toni or that she had sent to Toni.

Cheryl’s stomach churned at the thought of Nick being in her room going through her things to take these cards or even if he sent someone else to do it.

Then her heart hurt because at one point words she had written for Toni were written for Nick and she can’t even imagine how much that must have hurt him.

As much as Cheryl hated to admit it she often found her mind wandering to the idea of what life would be like if she had never left Nick.

She might be unhappy but at least he would be alive and wouldn’t have been hurting so much.

Cheryl jumped startled upon feeling a hand land on her shoulder. She turned around to see Toni with a mixture of concern and confusion written across her face.

“Everything okay Cher? You seemed awfully startled.”

“I’m fine just going through some of the things Chris had told me about at Nick’s funeral.”

There was a brief moment of silence from Toni.

“You went to Nick’s funeral?”

Shit.

“No, I meant to say when Chris & I met up for dinner after Nick’s funeral.”

“Cheryl, do you even understand how much of a terrible liar you are?” Toni asked with a dry laugh.

“Don’t be mad Toni, please. I had to apologize. I murdered their son. They at least deserve some sort of sorry. I can’t just act like what happened didn’t happen and what I did I didn’t do. That would be selfish.”

“For the thousandth time Cheryl you had no involvement in Nick’s murder.”

“I did though. You don’t understand. I could have stopped him. I didn’t need to call the police like that. He would still be alive and his family would still be whole if I hadn’t taken his life like that. You think you understand but you don’t & you never will so just stay the hell out of my life.” Cheryl snapped.

Toni’s brows furrowed and her bottom lip quivered slightly and Cheryl instantly felt the weight of her words hit her.

She didn’t mean it like that.

Toni was about the only thing she had right now.

“I’m sorry Cher. I’ll give you some space & sleep on the couch.”

Cheryl watched in numb shock as Toni gathered up Pajamas then left their bedroom.

nonononononononono.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Toni was supposed to be the one constant thing in her life. Cheryl knew it was her fault. She hadn’t said those things to Toni. They were awful when all Toni was trying to do was reassure her. Cheryl always managed to screw up the best things in life.

Frustrated Cheryl let out a scream then threw all of the things from Nicks place off the bed.

How was he still ruining her life from the grave?

Cheryl ripped off her jeans and crawled under the covers not even bothering to change into pyjamas.

Cheryl eventually fell asleep for a few short hours before she woke up from a nightmare.

She struggled to catch her breath as she recalled the dream.

She rolled over in bed to look at the empty spot where Toni could be.

Once again she was reminded of her terrible words to her girlfriend.

How could she say something like that? It didn’t matter how angry she had been there was absolutely no excuse for what she had said.

Cheryl kicked the covers off herself in a huff.

It was suddenly much too hot in her room and she needed something to drink desperately.

She fumbled her way to the kitchen in order to get some water.

After retrieving her water, she rounded around the couch to check on Toni.

Cheryl was shocked to make immediate eye contact with Toni upon rounding the couch.

Cheryl awkwardly placed her water glass on the coffee table and gently sat down on the coffee table.

“Um hi, babe,” Cheryl said awkwardly.

Toni sat up from her lying position to look at Cheryl.

“Come to say something else to me?” Toni asked.

“I’m sorry for what I said Toni it was terrible and inexcusable and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. I shouldn’t have lashed out.”

“You’re right Cheryl you shouldn’t have and I promise you that I’m trying to understand your situation, I’m trying to be there for you but it’s so much harder to be there for someone who doesn’t want you there.”

“But I do want you there Toni so bad. I don’t know what came over me tonight I felt cornered and misunderstood and I said things I shouldn’t have.”

“Cheryl when you went to the hospital after Nick had killed himself the doctor told me that you had PTSD but he also said that people with PTSD don’t need to be coddled they just need to feel secure, they need to be heard because they’re feeling things that others without PTSD couldn’t even imagine feelings but he also said the best thing to do is to try to understand. Right now I don’t understand what you’ve been through and I certainly don’t understand your thought process but I’m trying to. I’m trying to understand so that you feel secure and heard.”

“I’m so sorry Toni. I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry.” Cheryl sobbed.

“I know you are Cheryl and although I am extremely hurt from what you said and lashing out like that is not okay but I still forgive you because I love you and I’ll always be here for you and from now and on I need you to try to be more open with me. You have the right to your own thoughts but at least tell me next time you go to a dead exes funeral.”

“I will Toni. I’m going to try to be more honest with you and myself.

There were a few moments of silence before Cheryl spoke.

“Can you just hold me? Please?” Cheryl asked.

“Of course baby.” Toni murmured.

Toni gently guided Cheryl off the coffee table and pulled her into her lap kissing the top of Cheryl’s head. Step by step they were going to be better.

Cheryl was going to do better.

For not only herself but for Toni too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing & posting it! Despite this being over I still have quite a few choni one-shots already posted and some in the works to be posted very soon!!  
> Anyways! Thanks so much for all your support <3 
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.harryisqu33n.tumblr.com)
> 
>  [My multichap bughead fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999471/chapters/42521765)
> 
> [Playlist for this fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/s1phz640p49j0n5hg0kawf09h/playlist/1YXs7M4M5z84mlMT9sDsZK?si=Q9brseC3QiyHaxjmbFmJ4w)


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